I’m glad former Cambridge Mayor Al Vellucci didn’t live to see this day — his beloved Columbus Day decommissioned in his hometown, kicked to the curb of history and renamed “Indigenous Peoples’ Day.”
Which must now make the city the Indigenous People’s Republic of Cambridge.
But I am somewhat confused. What exactly is an “indigenous person” in Cambridge? I mean, two of my daughters were born at Mount Auburn Hospital. Would they be considered “indigenous?”
It was only a matter of time until this happened, of course. Brown University went to “Fall Weekend” in 2009 and this upcoming October will officially transition (to use a newly popular verb) to “Indigenous People’s Day.”
The Beautiful People who voted 9-0 at City Hall to ban Christopher Columbus have completed a thorough ethnic cleansing in North and East Cambridge of the tribe known as “Townies.”
I defy you to find a single Madonna lurking in a faux shell in any front yard within two blocks of Mass. Ave. all the way up to the Arlington line. Any remaining kitchens in Cambridge where the 1950s’ linoleum still covers the original hardwood floors should be included on the National Register of Historic Places.
Real-estate listings used to telegraph the fact that the three-deckers had been renovated and their velvet velour wallpaper steamed off: “Cambridge Style, Somerville Price.” Now the old North Cambridge/Somerville three-decker style is as extinct as the Townies who lived in them. The answer to the question, “Where did North Cambridge go?” is “Billerica.”
Which explains the unanimous vote Monday night in the Cambridge Council. This all started when they banned Christmas trees at City Hall. Mayor Sheila Russell committed an act of civil disobedience to smuggle a tiny Tannenbaum onto her desk inside the Hall, then went outside to Mass. Ave. and did a liveshot with me and the ratty five-footer I’d just bought for a sawbuck to use as a prop.
All day I kept checking U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s website, looking for a press release, or at least a tweet. She is, after all, the senate’s first Native American female member. Isn’t she?
What’s next? What happens to Christopher Columbus Park in the North End? Does it become the Elizabeth Warren Reservation?
Did you ever notice how, whenever the moonbats go all PC and change a holiday into some more palatable celebration — like for instance Robert E. Lee’s birthday in the old Confederacy, or VJ Day in Rhode Island — there’s one thing that never changes. The day off itself is never decommissioned.